"I hate my job. But I love the money." 4 questions to ask if you're in golden handcuffs.
“I hate my job. But I love the money.”
The golden handcuffs. I hear this a lot and it’s a never-ending cycle that can be tough to get out of, especially the more senior you get, the more money you make, and the more your costs you have.
Whenever someone comes to me and says that they don’t enjoy their job and also lack a purpose, I take them through the Ikigai exercise.
The Ikigai exercise is also the first module of my group coaching program, It Starts with You.
Ikigai roughly translates to the reason for being. “Iki” means life and “gai” means benefit or worth. Going through this exercise is like finding a purpose statement.
Use this exercise if:
· You’re stuck in your career and don’t know what to do next.
· You make a lot of money but hate your job.
· You feel lost with no sense of purpose.
· You want to find passions outside of your career that light up your life.
I learned the term Ikigai from business coach. I had already written my mission statement (to help high performers relate to the world from a state of wholeness). After years and years of constantly seeking validation, of never feeling good enough unless I was #1 (I had a career in sales before I was a coach), I went on a mission to heal this wound and wanted to help other high achievers do the same.
When I heard of Ikigai, it cemented the concept for me. It allowed me to see the various parts of myself and the things I loved doing, shaping how I could do these things for a career and pleasure.
To create your Ikigai, ask yourself four questions: (I’ve included some follow-up questions from BetterUp to help you elaborate)
1. What do you love?
When are you absorbed in your work?
Are you more excited about going to work than leaving work?
Do you have an emotional connection to your work results?
Do you have a hobby or craft you can’t get enough of?
Are you more excited about your hobby or craft than anything else?
Are you emotionally connected to your hobby or craft?
2. What are you good at?
Do people ask you for advice on topics related to your work?
Are there parts of your job that come easily to you?
Are you one of the best at what you do?
Are you/Do you want to be an expert at what you do?
Do people compliment you on your hobby or craft?
Does your hobby or craft feel intuitive?
Are you one of the best at your hobby or craft?
Are you/Do you want to be an expert at your hobby or craft?
3. What does the world need?
Is your work considered in high demand in the marketplace?
Picture the next year, 10 years, and 100 years — will your work still be valuable?
Are you solving a social, economic, or environmental problem?
Is your hobby or craft in high demand or desirable in the marketplace?
Will your hobby or craft still be valuable in the future?
Is your hobby or craft solving a social, economic, or environmental problem?
4. What can you be paid for?
Are there other people getting paid for the same work you’re doing?
Do you make a good living/Will you eventually make a good living doing your work?
Is there a healthy level of competition for your work?
Have other people made a career out of the same hobby or craft?
Have people around you requested to buy what you do or make?
Is there a healthy level of competition for what you do or make?
After you’ve answered these four questions, create statements for the overlapping areas.
· What you love combined with what you’re good at: PASSION
· What you love combined with what the world needs: MISSION
· What you can be paid for combined with what the world needs: VOCATION
· What you’re good at combined with what you love: PROFESSION
Extract the most important pieces from each statement to create your Ikigai. Here is an example of my Ikigai.
My Ikigai: Coaching leaders through transformation with communication and self-compassion.
Once you've done your Ikigai, use it as a reference guide and cross-reference it with big decisions. The next job you take. Moving cities. Getting a dog. Will this decision help me move toward my Ikigai? Am I fulfilling my purpose?
“I’ve done my Ikigai, and my passions have nothing to do with my job. But I need money. What next?”
I’ve coached a lot of people through this problem.
You have two options:
1. Pivot your career to live more into your Ikigai. The more established you are in your career, the harder this becomes because of your income level. You may have to take a financial risk in order to live more in your Ikigai.
I did this when I left my tech job to start a coaching business. I knew it was a risk financially, but at that point in my life, it was one I was willing to take.
2. Find a way to incorporate your Ikigai outside of your career. Sometimes, it’s impossible to quit your job and start to live your passion. You may have a mortgage and children. Or your passion doesn’t pay well.
This thought pattern is something I also came up against. I had lifelong dreams of being a novelist. I went back to school for a Master of Arts in Creative Writing, and I’m currently working on two novels. Writing is not a sustainable income for me (at least right now). When I completed my Ikigai, I realized I had two passions: writing and coaching. My coaching business provides me income, while my writing sustains me creatively.
As a result, I committed to writing five times a week and for one hour a day (here is a blog post on how I balance writing novels and running a business). Writing books takes time away from my business. It's ultimately hurting my revenue. Yet, it fulfills a deep urge to create. I don't know where this passion will take me, but I have a need to show up and do the work, even if it's a dead end.
If you find your Ikigai unrelated to your career, figure out how to incorporate it into your life. Even if your job isn’t satisfying, you can find other things to make your life more vibrant based on your Ikigai.
Actions I’ve seen clients take after defining their Ikigai:
· Starting a passion business
· Shifting careers and looking for new jobs
· Investing more time in their art
· Changing relationships with their families (putting in more boundaries)
· Planning big trips overseas to have more adventure
· Starting a volunteer position
The other week, I had a client struggling with this. She felt like she wasn’t in a job that fulfilled her purpose (Head of Finace), and she wanted to write children’s books. Yet, with her financial responsibilities, she couldn’t quit her job to become a children’s book author. Together, we reframed how she looks at work. It’s a means to an end. And parts of it aren’t that enjoyable, but parts of it are. We took the pressure off thinking that she had to be on purpose with her career, or else it was a moral failing. And we also spoke about how she could start writing and illustrating children's books, even with her demanding schedule.
There’s a lot of pressure and stress that you have to be “living your passion,” the only way you will be satisfied with work is if you do that. Unfortunately, that’s not realistic.
If you can’t find a way to incorporate your Ikigai into your work, find a way to pursue passions outside of work. Reframing this takes the pressure off and allows you to enjoy work more if you give it the appropriate amount of attention (show up and do a great job but realize it’s not your whole life).