4 Surprising Ways Confidence Transformed My Life Forever
Going through life without confidence is like trying to cut vegetables with a blunt knife. It’s harder. It’s shittier. It takes longer. You know there could be an easier way. I love coaching on confidence because I truly believe that having confidence, and therefore self-esteem, is the most crucial thing you could do for your life and career.
What is Confidence?
Confidence is the belief in your own abilities and judgment. It gives you the assurance that you can meet life’s challenges and succeed in your endeavors. More than just a feeling, it’s the courage to take risks, make decisions, and act in the face of uncertainty.
Why Confidence Matters
Income: According to the American Psychological Association, there’s a clear link between higher confidence and higher income. The more confident you are, the more you’re likely to earn, and vice versa.
Relationships: Brene Brown talks about “grounded confidence,” which involves having the courage to be vulnerable and authentic in our interactions. This is crucial for building and maintaining strong, meaningful connections.
Self-Esteem: Confidence is a key component of self-esteem. When you feel competent in your abilities, it boosts your overall sense of self-worth, creating a positive feedback loop that further enhances your confidence and willingness to take on new challenges.
Confidence: Skill or Innate Trait?
Is confidence something you’re born with, or can it be developed? Spoiler alert: It’s a skill. Just like learning to be sober, maintaining a healthy relationship, or running a business, confidence can be cultivated with the right mindset and tools. I’ve seen this in myself and my coaching practice time and again.
Four Unexpected Benefits of Confidence
Fewer People, Better Quality Relationships Confidence helps you filter out those who don’t genuinely want to be part of your life. You stop chasing people—clients, friends, partners—who aren’t reciprocating. This concept, inspired by the "volunteers, not recruits" mantra from Liz Craft and Sarah Fain on the Happier in Hollywood podcast, means only those who are genuinely invested in you stick around. The result? More meaningful and fulfilling relationships.
Embracing Your True Self Standing out and being different becomes second nature when you’re confident. You stop conforming to societal expectations and embrace your unique qualities. Moving to Australia and navigating its tall poppy syndrome (the tendency to criticize high achievers) taught me to stay true to myself. Confidence means not fitting into boxes others create for you and celebrating your individuality. Whether it's being loud, swearing, or just being unapologetically American, I learned to be myself despite societal pressures.
Failing More Often, Succeeding More The more you try, the more you fail—and that’s a good thing. Failure is a crucial part of the confidence-competence loop, where increasing your skills (competence) boosts your confidence. Embracing failure as a learning opportunity rather than a setback leads to greater success. As Adrienne Weimer puts it, “the world needs more of your B+ work.” The key is to focus on completion rather than perfection.
Creating Safety in Relationships Confidence fosters open and honest communication, creating a safe space in relationships. You learn to address issues directly and immediately, preventing misunderstandings and resentment. This transparency and predictability are pillars of strong, healthy relationships, reducing guesswork and emotional turmoil. Nonviolent communication techniques help in expressing needs and emotions without causing conflict, ensuring a safe and loving environment.
Building Confidence: A Journey, Not a Destination
Building confidence is an ongoing process, not a one-time event. It involves continuous learning, practice, and the right support system. If you’re struggling with confidence, consider whether it's a skills gap and seek out resources to bridge that gap.
To dive deeper into building confidence, join my upcoming masterclass on July 2nd (AEST) or July 1st (PST). We’ll cover actionable strategies to boost your confidence and tackle imposter syndrome. DM me "confidence" on Instagram or LinkedIn for more details or check the show notes for the link.
Confidence isn’t just a trait; it’s a transformative skill that can reshape your life. Embrace it, nurture it, and watch as it opens doors you never thought possible.
Resources:
Masterclass: https://www.hannahkissel.com/confidencemasterclass